


Protection Detail

by breeeliss



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Pushy boys being gross and pushy, Romance if you squint, and Chat Noir coming to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 00:34:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13329738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breeeliss/pseuds/breeeliss
Summary: “Hey there, this is Chat Noir. If you’re calling to ask for Marinette Dupain-Cheng she wants nothing to do with your creepy butt and if you have a problem with that you can take it up with me. Lucky for me it won’t be much of a fight, so choose wisely. If you’re calling to ask for me, I can’t come to the phone right now, so just leave a message and stay miraculous! Laterz!”--Or, Chat Noir takes it upon himself to become Marinette's first line of defense against the male teenaged jerks of Paris.





	Protection Detail

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the-number-4](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the-number-4).



> this is my SS santa gift for [the-number-4](http://the-number-4.tumblr.com/) !! sorry it's so late (life's been v hectic) but i hope some cute/funny marichat will make up for having to wait for it so long. hope you enjoy!

According to Ladybug, Chat Noir was developing a bit of a “publicity issue.”

Which, at first, seemed like such a lie because just last week Chat Noir was trending on Twitter for close to three days after a pretty heroic rescue involving an entire auditorium worth of helpless civilians trapped inside a theater. Not to toot his own horn, but it had been _pretty_ spectacular, so as far as he was concerned he was riding on the coattails of a publicity _success story_.

Of course, then she had to clarify that she had meant his heightened publicity itself _was_ the issue since he was apparently amassing far to much of it.

“That’s ridiculous!” he gasped. “We’re nationally renowned superheroes. How is us being well known an issue?”

“Us being well known is an unavoidable side effect. Giving your phone number out to a group of adoring fans so that they can ‘call you anytime they’re in trouble,’ however, is an _extremely_ avoidable side effect.”

“I gave them the number to my baton. It’s not like it was my personal phone number.”

“You’re telling me you don’t see _any_ negative consequences to this?”

Chat Noir waved away her concern. “They know it’s for emergencies only, my lady. It’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t fine. His phone was blowing up at all hours of the day for reasons that had literally nothing to do with being in danger. Chat Noir once answered the phone only to have a strange girl he didn’t know ask him what size underwear he wore. Why that information was pertinent, he didn’t know, but needless to say it took hours for Plagg to figure out how to program a brand new phone number into the thing.

It was about the closest thing to a scolding Plagg had ever given him which was sort of impressive when you considered the fact that Plagg hated taking anything seriously.

So, okay. Fine. Maybe giving out his work number to large crowds wasn’t the best idea.

But he was a public servant! A hero to the defenseless! A symbol of Paris! Making themselves available to civilians was part of their job. It was so hard to see collège students younger than him sitting in ambulances after traumatizing akuma attacks and _not_ subtly hand over his number so that they could call him next time there was an issue. His heart bled for the people he was tasked with helping, and the only reason he developed this “publicity issue” in the first place was because he cared so much.

Besides. A couple of people here and there having his number wasn’t a bad thing so long as he didn’t let it get out of control again, right?

That hope didn’t come back to bite him until one afternoon when he was patrolling alone and his phone starting ringing against his hip. Assuming that it must have been Ladybug, he picked up and skipped over his greeting. “Hey, so I’m like three blocks away from that Indian restaurant we found yesterday if you wanna come join me. But if not, it’s cool, I was about to head home anyway. You all done with shopping?”

 _“...er...Marinette?_ ”

Chat Noir pulled the phone away from his ear and frowned at the very male voice that was talking to him from the other end. “Uh, I’m sorry, who is this?”

“ _Um, my name’s Pierre? I’m trying to get in touch with a girl named Marinette. Is she home?”_

Weird. Chat Noir didn’t remember giving his number to a guy like Pierre, and especially not one that sounded this old. He was sure he would’ve remembered someone like that. “You’re not exactly calling her house, buddy,” Chat Noir said. “How did you get this number?”

Pierre cleared his throat. “ _W-Well, uh, Marinette had given it to me but I guess I must have dialed it wrong or something. Oh crap. You’re not her boyfriend, are you?_ ”

Marinette…Marinette? The only Marinette that Chat Noir knew was Marinette Dupain-Cheng from school but he didn’t understand why she of all people would have his —

Oooooh. Wait a minute. Hold on.

Chat Noir turned on his heel and looked back in direction he’d just come from. “Yeeeeah, you’ve definitely got the wrong number, man. Sorry about that. You might just wanna let this ship sail, though. If she really wanted you to call her, she would’ve made sure you had the right number before she left you.”

“ _Wait, do you know her? Can you just give her a message for —”_

Chat Noir winced. “Unfortunately my matchmaking services are closed on Wednesdays. Woops! But, uh, better luck next time I guess!”

He hung up the phone before the conversation got more awkward and checked the time. Only a little after five. Marinette was probably still running the registers at this time. Hopefully she wouldn’t mind him paying her quick visit.

Lately, Adrien had been getting into the habit of visiting the bakery in the mornings before school and directly after classes let out to indulge in some of the sweets that his father would never let him have. It was partially a convenience thing, but it was mostly because Mme. Cheng liked to sneak him extra treats when her husband wasn’t looking and ask him about how his studies were going. It got the point where he visited to often, he only really needed to walk in before Mme. Cheng had his order already charged to the register.

But one day he completely forgot he was transformed and walked into the bakery as Chat Noir while politely asking for his usual. Marinette happened to be running the registers that day and needless to say he surprised her and the rest of the customers with how casually he’d entered. He really needed to get better about remembering to detransform before he went on his errands….

Anyway, the good news was that if Chat Noir wanted free pastries, all he needed to do was visit Marinette when she was working — Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons — and trade in autographs as payment. For some reason, she didn’t seem too interested in keeping them for herself, but she swore she had a friend who would absolutely adore them and Chat Noir could live with that so long as she kept the chocolate eclairs coming.

When he finally got to the bakery, he plucked a napkin from the dispenser on the counter, quickly signed it, and handed it to Marinette. “A palmier and a penny for your thoughts?”

Marinette smirked and pocketed the autograph. “If this is about whether or not the bell around your neck is getting in the way of your manly image, I’m kicking you out the store.”

“No. Although I still think we should revisit that discussion.” He leaned on the counter and lowered his voice. “Do you remember that time I gave you my phone number after I saved you from that akuma? Told you to call me anytime you were in trouble again?”

Marinette nodded. “I remember. Although, I don’t know if it’s such a good idea for you to be giving that out to random civilians.”

Chat Noir pouted. “Ugh, you sound just like Ladybug. Anyway, back to the point. You wouldn’t happen to have given that phone number to a guy named Pierre, would you?”

Marinette’s eyes widened at the name. “Oh no. He didn’t call you did he?”

“He called me like fifteen minutes ago asking for you. I’m assuming that was on purpose?”

“Damn. I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I meant to call you and warn you about that after I got off of my shift so that it wouldn’t seem so random. I didn’t expect him to try calling me right after I left him.”

“Yeah, about that, who is this guy?”

Marinette rolled down and slipped on some serving gloves so that she could collect a bag of treats for him. “No idea. He was some première student that was flirting with me on my way back home. He kept touching my waist and asking for my phone number even though I kept telling him no. He was being really creepy and insistent about it so I sort of just panicked and gave him yours before I ran inside. I figured if he got you on the phone he’d think you were my boyfriend or something and just let it go.”

Chat Noir’s jaw dropped. “What a minute. A _première_ _student!?”_

“I think so. He said he was seventeen I think.”

“And he was touching you without your permission?”

“Yeah, he was like trying to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me to his side. Super weird. Anyway, do you still like opera cakes? I can throw in a couple for you if you want.”

Chat Noir held up a hand. “Wait a minute, hold on, waaaaaiiiit a _minute_. Who is this guy? Where does he live? What school does he go to?”

Marinette shrugged. “I don’t know. Why are you asking?”

He scoffed. “Um. Gee. Because there’s this creepy dude that’s like three years older than you being a total tool and forcing you to give him your number when you’re clearly uncomfortable?”

“What are you going to go beat him up or something?”

“You do realize I’m a superhero, right? I could totally Cataclysm all the hair off the top of his head. Then we’ll see how many young girls he’ll go around harassing after that.”

Marinette chuckled. “As much as I appreciate how passionate you are about defending my honor, I don’t think you should do that. It’s not that big a deal.”

“How is a douche nozzle of a lycée student harassing a collège student for her phone number ‘not a big deal’?”

“Because that’s not the first or the last time a douche nozzle is going to come bug me for my phone number. Look don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your concern I really do, but I promise everything’s alright. You don’t need to go hunt him down.”

Chat Noir shook his head and absently took the bag of treats that Marinette handed him. “To think I wished him luck when I hung up with him. And he sounded so meek and innocent. What a total liar! Complete jerk! I can’t believe you had to give him my number just to make him go away.”

Marinette pulled him away from the display of macarons before he knocked it over with all of his gesticulating. “Hey, I really am totally sorry about that. I understand how that could’ve been uncomfortable what with you being a superhero and everything. I’ll try to make sure I don’t give it out like that again. I’ll come up with a better dodge.”

Chat Noir tapped the tip of her nose. “No. You know what? If anyone else from here on out is super insistent about asking for your number, definitely give them mine. I’ll handle it.”

“Oh no,” she groaned. “You’re planning something. What are you planning?”

“Nothing bad. At least not for you.”

“ _Chat_.”

“Worry not, princess!” he announced as he opened the door to the bakery and valiantly held up his food as if it were a knight’s sword. “Chat Noir is a hero to all, and I will not let this injustice against you stand.”

She stared at him flatly. “There hasn’t been an akuma in days. You’re bored. This must be it. You’re totally bored.”

“Nonsense, princess!” Chat Noir exclaimed, shocking the couple that ducked under his arm to enter the bakery. “My commitment to ensuring your safety is wholly sincere and not for my benefit in the least. If anything, this has officially become my top priority.”

Marinette shook her head fondly. “Alright, Chat. Whatever you say.”

Chat Noir bowed farewell and sent her one last pointed stare. “Don’t forget to call me if something weird happens.”

“I will, I will, I promise. Now shut the door. You’re scaring the customers and letting all the cold air in.”

* * *

 

After all of the akumas that were packed in tight all throughout last week, it seemed like Hawkmoth had finally hit a slump because there hadn’t been a single attack in days. Chat Noir and Ladybug had even decided to put the patrols on pause for a few days because the weather had gotten way too frigid to justify spending prolonged periods of time on the windy rooftops of the city. Maybe Hawkmoth wasn’t a fan of the weather either. Or maybe people were too busy hiding from the cold in their homes to bother being upset enough to get akumatized at all. Whatever the reason, Marinette wasn’t complaining. It gave her an excuse to catch up on all the sleepovers she owed Alya.

Marinette was leaving one of those sleepovers on Sunday evening and decided to brave the frigid weather and walk back to the bakery instead of making Alya’s parents forfeit their parking spot and drive her. It was a bit of a trek, but Marinette was bundled up pretty well and the exercise was worth it.

She was tightening her scarf around her neck when she realized just how dark it had gotten and how empty the streets were looking. Alya didn’t live in a particularly dangerous neighborhood, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to take such a long walk by herself.

Marinette frowned and scanned the rooftops. Chat Noir was usually out and about on Sunday nights. Maybe this wouldn’t be a terrible time to call in that favor he’d offered her.

Deciding his theatrics were worth the safe trip home, Marinette quickly dialed him and waited until he got his voicemail.

“ _Hey there, this is Chat Noir. If you’re calling to ask for Marinette Dupain-Cheng she wants nothing to do with your creepy butt and if you have a problem with that you can take it up with me. Lucky for me it won’t be much of a fight, so choose wisely. If you’re calling to ask for me, I can’t come to the phone right now, so just leave a message and stay miraculous! Laterz!”_

The voicemail beeped and Marinette placed her hand on her hip. “Chat, you really don’t have to be threatening all of these nonexistent boys for me. I haven’t even given my number out these past few days. I mean, I appreciate the thought and everything, but I don’t know how Ladybug is going to feel about you planning on beating up lycée boys.”

She pouted and started walking towards home. “Anyway, that’s not why I called. Uh, I’m on the corner of Violet and Tiphaine in the 15th arrondissement. I’m walking home from my friend’s house and I’d appreciate some company since it’s a long trip and it’s pretty dark outside. No rush, but if you wouldn’t mind meeting up with me, I’d appreciate it. And change your voicemail greeting for heaven’s sake!”

Silly cat.

Soon he’d be plastering his face on the news and announcing his new safety escort service to every single teenage girl in Paris. She didn’t think that caring too much would ever be a problem for anyone, but if Chat Noir was an expert at anything it was completely obliterating her expectations.

Chat Noir was usually pretty good about checking his messages, so hopefully it would only take him a few minutes to get to her. In the meantime, Marinette made sure to stay on the busier streets and keep her phone in her hands in case Chat Noir called her back.

She’d only been walking for about five minutes before she stopped at the crosswalk and caught the attention of a boy just a couple of years older than her who had just walked out of the supermarket on the corner. Marinette was busy checking her text messages and was startled when he tapped her shoulder and introduced himself. “Got a long walk home ahead of you?”

He didn’t look particularly suspicious, but his intentions were pathetically obvious judging by how poorly he was trying to hide his appraisal of her. Definitely not worth her time. Marinette smiled politely and kept her eyes on the crosswalk. “Not too far.”

“It’s a little chilly for you to be walking, isn’t it? Aren’t you cold in that skirt?”

Marinette kicked the side of her shin. “Thermals. I’m plenty cozy, don’t worry.”

“Oh come on,” he smiled. “Listen. I’m heading for the bus stop right now. Let me pay your fare so you can have a warm ride home.”

“The bus doesn’t stop in front of my house. Makes more sense to walk.”

He blinked. “O-Oh. Well, I mean…isn’t it kinda lonely walking by yourself?”

Marinette raised a brow. “Not really? I’m a big girl, I’m fine walking a few blocks.” The crossing signal finally flashed and Marinette took the chance to quicken her step and end the conversation. “Nice meeting you.”

But it didn’t seem like he had gotten the hint because he jogged across the street to catch up with her and grab her hand to slow her down. “Wait, wait, hold on a minute! You mind if I walk with you then? I’m sure we’re going the same way and it’ll make me feel better to know you got home okay.”

Marinette snatched her hand back and shoved it in her pocket. “I haven’t told you where I lived, so how do you know we’re going the same way?”

“Well, we’re walking down this street together, aren’t we?”

“Listen,” Marinette sighed. “I appreciate you trying to be nice, but I’d really rather walk by myself.”

The boy frowned and kept alongside of her while standing too close for her comfort. “I mean…okay, but I don’t see what the big deal is with letting me walk you home.”

Marinette’s smile was forced. “Because I didn’t _ask_ you to walk me home, and you’re making me uncomfortable. So I’m just going to go on by myself.”

The boy rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, I guess. Can I at least get your phone number then?”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I should get going.”

“Seriously?” he scoffed. “What’s the harm? It’s just a phone number.”

“You know, you’re really persistent,” Marinette glared. “And that’s not a compliment. I just told you I don’t want to, so shoo!”

“I’m being persistent because you’re being nasty,” the boy complained. “It’s just texting, it’s not like I’m going to be a creepy about it. You’re pretty, and I just want to talk with you more.”

Marinette eyed the convenience store on the corner and wondered if she could lose the jerk in there. “Would you get lost? You _are_ being creepy about this, and if you don’t cut it out I’m going to call someone.”

“What like the cops?” the boy exclaimed. “God, why are you being so frigid? Are you this rude to every stranger you meet?”

Marinette cursed under her breath and pulled her phone out so that she could fake a phone call to an imaginary boyfriend or something. Figures that the on the rare occasion she decided to walk all the way home from Alya’s some weirdo would be trying to accost her the entire way home. Whatever. At least if she meandered around the convenience store, she’d have a warm place to wait until Chat Noir showed up, and hopefully walking shoulder to shoulder with him would deter anymore idiotic behavior from strange boys she didn’t know.

But at that moment, almost as if the mere thought of him summoned him to the scene, Marinette heard someone loudly clear their throat above her.

“Is there a problem here?”

Chat Noir slid down the awning of the corner store and landed gracefully in front of the boy who had backed away a couple of steps and looked nervously between him and Marinette. She had to admit, for someone who wasn’t particularly assuming or intimidating, Chat Noir was doing a pretty good job of making the boy uncomfortable by brandishing his staff and clenching his fist as if he were two seconds away from calling upon his Cataclysm.

“A-Ah, nothing’s wrong,” the boy explained. “We were just talking. We’re friends, and we were playing around.”

Marinette snorted and linked arms with Chat Noir. “Hey, Chat. Thanks for coming. I have no idea who this jerk is.”

“Sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I was halfway across the city when you called. Lucky I came when I did though.”

“It’s okay. I appreciate you coming on such short notice.”

The boy furrowed his brows at the sight before him. “What’s going on here? Is he your boyfriend or something?”

“Are _you_ her boyfriend?” Chat Noir countered. “Because if you aren’t, there’s no need for you to be walking her home.”

“Hey, man, I was just trying to be gentlemanly.”

Chat Noir swung his staff onto his other shoulder, and Marinette couldn’t help but laugh when the other boy flinched. “Gentlemen usually understand the definition of no. If the lady doesn’t want you walking her home, then you don’t get to walk her home. And you definitely don’t get to bother her for a phone number like you’re entitled to it.”

“I-I wasn’t _bothering_ her —”

“Look, it’s really late. I’ve gotta get this lovely girl home to make sure more idiots like you don’t bother her, and then I’ve got a patrol to get to. So if you’re going to keep this up, you leave me no choice but to call the cops.” He shrunk his staff down into a baton and flipped open his phone. “I’ve got them on speed dial, so it really shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes for them to show up.”

“Alright, alright!” the boy said. “I’m gone, I’m gone. Jesus…”

Chat Noir waited until the boy turned the corner before he placed his hands on Marinette’s shoulders and checked her over quickly. “Are you okay? He didn’t touch you or hurt you, did he?”

“Oh, not at all,” Marinette assured. “He was just talking and being weird. But thanks for coming to help me. He was getting a little irritating.”

“Why are you always so flippant about this stuff?” Chat Noir pouted. “My offer to go beat him up still stands.”

Marinette smiled and tapped the bell around his neck. “I already told you. You shouldn’t be assaulting civilians. That’s not great for your superhero look. And I’m not flippant, I’m just used to it I guess. When it happens all the time, it just becomes annoying and inconvenient at most. I’ve picked up tricks on how to deal with it in case valiant heroes can’t come to my rescue in time.”

Chat Noir didn’t look completely happy with the answer, but he nodded and jutted his chin down the block. “Do you still want me to walk you home?”

Marinette winced. “If you wouldn’t mind? I want to avoid any more excitement for the night.”

“I understand. You mind if we take the scenic route? I don’t want to delay you by dealing with people asking for autographs and pictures.”

Marinette nodded and squeezed his arm tight while they turned down a less crowded street and made their way back to Marinette’s neighborhood. She expected him to fill the time with chatter, but he seemed abnormally quiet. She leaned over and saw that he was frowning thoughtfully at the sidewalk, so she poked him in the cheek and tried to get him to look at her. “Is something wrong?”

Chat Noir shrugged. “It’s silly.”

“I’m sure it isn’t.”

“No, it is, because you don’t want to make a big deal out of it, and I want to respect that.”

“I mean, if there’s something bothering you I want you to tell me. We’re friends aren’t we?”

Chat Noir laughed and dipped his head. “Yeah. We’re friends.” He subconsciously pulled her closer and kept an eye on the road as they crossed the street. “I don’t know, it just really bothers me to know that random guys treat you like that. And I know you’re used to it, and you can handle it by yourself. I’m not trying to suggest you can’t take care of yourself. I just get really angry on your behalf because it’s just so disgusting to me.”

“I guess that explains your voicemail greeting.”

“I want to make sure they come bother me instead of you! I didn’t want you handing out the wrong number and then have them come find you all angry!”

“Is that what that was!?”

“Of course! I’m not doing this because I _want_ to get into fights. I just want to make sure you’re safe. Trust me, I know how stupid guys act, and stupid guys who are embarrassed about getting rejected like that will come and bother you about it. I didn’t want that to happen to you.”

Marinette bit her lip and snuggled up to his side. “Is that why you’re so serious about this? And why you get annoyed when I’m not as serious?”

“I don’t mean to be all clingy and overprotective, I honestly don’t. But this isn’t the sort of thing you should have to put up with. I’m your friend, and if you have to lean on me for this sort of thing, I want you to. And you wouldn’t be a bother either! I’m sure Ladybug would understand if I explained it to her. It’d be like a side gig, separate from akuma fighting.”

It was such a sincere explanation that Marinette couldn’t help from laughing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect this to be so upsetting to you. I really can handle it on my own, but…I’ll admit, that boy from earlier was making me really uncomfortable. I was relieved when you showed up.”

Chat Noir leaned down and whispered in between them. “He can’t be more than a few blocks away, Marinette, I can go give him just a little scare — ”

“Leave him be,” Marinette smirked. “I’m serious, please don’t beat up any boys for me. But…well, if you’re fine with me giving out your number to pushy people and maybe calling you if I feel unsafe walking home…I guess I can keep your number saved.”

Chat Noir grinned. “That’ll make me feel a lot better, thank you.”

She patted his arm and added, “I do still think the voicemail greeting is too harsh.”

“Aw, let me keep it. It’s effective!”

“It’s scary!”

“It’s a gentle warning.”

“At least take out the bit about the fighting.”

“Fine, I’ll tone it down a little.”

Marinette beamed at him and kissed his shoulder. “Thank you.”

Chat Noir blinked down at her and coughed into his hand before keeping his gaze resolutely ahead. “Yeah! Cool! So, uh, anyway…you think I can sneak a couple of pastries for the trip home? I skipped lunch today and I’ve been craving some tartlets.”

“I’m sure I can find you something,” Marinette promised. “Consider it my thanks.”

Chat Noir’s ears wiggled in excitement. “You’re the best Marinette.”

* * *

“ _Hey there, this is Chat Noir. If you’re calling to ask for Marinette Dupain-Cheng, she’s asked me to_ very politely _communicate to you that she’d rather not speak with you or see you any further. If this is a problem, she’s asked me to handle any and all complaints. That’s right. Me. Chat Noir. Defender of Paris. Let that sink in. Uh...yeah, so if you’re calling for me, I can’t come to the phone right now, so please leave a message and stay miraculous! Bye-bye!”_


End file.
